Faith Beyond The Chains

No recognition in the brown of her eyes
i miss the touch of her voiced memories
one by one they vanish leaving me with sorrow
and her with outbursts fuelled by frustration

We continue to guess what may be the cause
surmise to bring small comforts
conclusions masked with bitter hurt
but there are no winners here at all

Endless hallways tiled with failed circumstances
fallen between the cracks awaiting fulfillment
become dormant part of the crumbled plaster
given up by the deteriorating walls of hope

Heavy chained to the demon
barred from reality there is no key
the lock corroded with prescriptions of
empty promises bandaids for remaining life

 

KJS2018

Dedicated to my dear mom who battled dementia for over 8 years, and went home to Glory July 5, 2017 on the wings of angels and a song by her 5 robins ❤

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The Farewell

Summer skies evolve
into Autumn greys
extending limits
of no return

Chilly winds dictate
a cloak of caution
in return giving security
against uncertainties

Comforting glances
just remnants of fabric
past garments of familiar
caresses and smiles

Melodies of heaven
beckon a weary soul
stanzas reach between realms
constricted in earthly struggle

love gathers on every side
farewells channelled through
hearts and tears that release
robins song GRACE she is home

 

KJS2018

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Ravelled Rainbows

 

Leading up to July 5th, and here on after…
I love you mom…….

I do not just remember on this day, but every day.

When you come into this world, birthed by your mothers hard labour of love,
there is instant trust, and with each day that passes this trust of love grows to the strength of your whole being. As you grow and the world changes around you, one thing remains constant, strong and true, your mother’s love.
The love I speak of is now contained within my very being, stored up throughout the years for such a time as this
Never in all my years did I once give it a passing thought, a hint of worry, that I would not have my mother, she was always there, no matter what, when , how or when…she was always there!

Through eight years of caregiving for this generous precious soul I call mother, I can honestly say I stayed focused on her, not the what ifs…. and I have such wonderful memories, stored up from each moment spent with her.
There is too much to write, and the words continue to fail me as I dare describe what she means to me, and how I miss her touch however, I was blessed to have a peek into the very depths of her heart and soul before, between, and on the other side of that horrific disease dementia that she carried as her burden, her last struggle in this life. I can honestly say, “God bless you mom! I love you! You are alive in my heart and alongside of me through the rest of my journey here on this earth, Thank you”!

 

I feel the touch
of her warm weathered hand
her soft gentle voice
as it carries my soul,
over the years
to once upon her knee
where safe in her arms
I could weather my storms

In mind once traced
the lines of her face
etched in my heart
a canvas of love,
remembering whens
making changes along the way
revealing dreams
of her hearts hidden schemes

Ravelled edges
of hidden rainbows
remnants of joy
created through,
sunshine and tears,
In search of one memory
to take comfort in life
oh just one little memory!

Hushed melodies
once songs of faith
trickle through the
hidden corridors of loss,
beating against her armour
riveting waves that
fashion and fabricate
her very inner soul

The cool dew
caresses her toes
as she runs through
the meadows
with her loved ones
earthly battle vanishes
through her realm
of continual joy

Lovingly,
Kathy

KJS2018

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Harbour Of Grace

When do I designate it a distraction ?

I lose my way in the wilderness of my being
existence only in the shell of my world
I create walls of shattered thoughts
mortar that crumbles beneath my feet

Weary I crawl and claw my way
through brambles and thorns
leaving surface scars of my journey

Do I ever reach the thought I’m thinking?

Will it every become an expression?

My words are scrambled as I fight for clarity
puzzle pieces have been lost and dropped
Will the canvas ever be whole again?

My harbour is vanishing before my very eyes
the lights are dimming in the thick dense fog
I’m prepared to lose the battle
my body is tired and growing heavy
tired of the struggle to stay afloat

Oh let me sink beneath the surface
the life line threads are unraveling
I am at peace my soul knows the way
inner peace welcomes me,
cloaks me with warmth and assurance
my soul is safe I am freed from this demon

I made it my feet touch the golden streets!

KJS©

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Tomorrow Is Monday

Today the sun is shining, it is Sunday.
I miss my mom
longing for the days
of feeling the sense
of belonging
everything is right
as she stands
arms outstretched
hanging the laundry
on the clothesline
I MISS MY MOM

Today I feel the warmth of the sun
I miss my mom
Spring is in the air
I need my mom
to come back
from the dark of dementia
my heart aches for
her original smile
without the lurking
of a disease
I’m unsettled
I feel her anxiety
I MISS MY MOM

Tomorrow is Monday

KJS©

Today I’m feeling selfish..

Lost Life?

The trench is deep
eroded by time through tears
every crook and curve
layered by fears

Water rushes
smoothing of
heart to stone
with each ache and hurt
feeling sadly alone

River of life
prediction just out of reach
memories lost…
relying on others
touch and grief

KJS©

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Hidden (Sometimes Life)

Concealed
flowing tears
hidden fear
a heart so heavy

Engulfed
with anxiety
to much ~ too many
not enough hours

Compassion
overflows
soul filled with longing
an ache to become complete

Distance
fashionable safe
never revealing true dreams
is it too late?

Comforted
through sorrow
conversations not complete
opinion or argument?

Needed
by so many
never mending own heart
frays of coloured yarn

Aspire
peace of mind
heart of content
allowed to be ones self

Life
circle of circumstances?
deemed meant to be?
part of a divine purpose~
in HIs word on His mind
Calvary

~
KJS©

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