Write My Dream

I woke up
screaming
I cannot remember
I can’t feel
my heart is bursting
my chest exploding
tears streaming down
frantically I
search my mind
my heart
my soul
I broke the rail
at the top of the staircase
holding on tightly
sobbing
anxious
afraid
shaking uncontrollably
I cannot control
my tears
my fears
I can’t remember
my family
my girls
I see their faces
in blurred vision
I know them
where are they?
were they here?
I’m in a cold sweat now
praying
pleading
please remove
this memory
this dream
I woke at 4:20 AM
from this nightmare
Oh God spare me
spare my life
I’m afraid
my mom has dementia
and I don’t want
to inherit this demon

KJS©

Atmosphere Blueprint of Dreams

Behind the clouds
unseen to man
rays of gold
in earthly sand

Obscured by rain
threat by chance?
silver lining
invite to dance

Structured castles
in form of dust
from doubt to faith
eternal trust

KJS©

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Guarded Portals

My world awakes to soft pastels
Though sometimes hard to view
Beauty hidden surpasses dreams
Please share their purples pinks and blues

Bold black lines an ordinary life
Fashions of fences corralling feelings
Oh where is the portal? Is it guarded?
Yonder the sunset promised healing

KJS©

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Open Spaces (Eternity & Wings)

~
Fields of tall golden wheat
sway and bend with the winds
miniature brown field sparrows rest lightly
on the handsome strands of gold

Rays of the warm afternoon sun
beam proudly on rich ripened grass
promise of an abundance harvest
the sparrow sings and spreads its wings

Briefly I feel empowerment
connecting thoughts of promised flight
~ something has barbered my wings
they are sluggish and flap in vain

But for a short span of time
I was there ~ free from this weighted demon
I felt the wind beneath my wings
released from this dark veil

I look through steel white bars of loss
memory beyond this delicate cage
the latch on the door to freedom
held tight by the hand of dementia

~

KJS

Eternity & Wings

Eternity & Wings

www.gofundme.com/momsdream

Looking Through The Glass

Buried deep within the glass
just beyond their reach
tiny bubbles trapped inside
form a world of mind and matter

Surface cracks just minor detail
fabricating lurking peril
future craters hold dark shadows
uncertainty of what lies ahead

Deception is its beauty
reflecting imagery mirage of hope
beveled edge that hold the prayers
tortured souls no longer cope

~

Final stages of dementia are frightening and in stark reality cruel.
In the fleeting moments one can offer love comfort through
soothing prayer, songs, and whispers of “all is well” as the tired
soul crosses over. Although the weary soul might not be able to respond in voice,
I believe with all my heart they can hear they feel the love, and whisper in their heart amen.

~

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Lullaby of Peace

sunset

The smell of death is pungent
dementia lurking in the shadows
the air is heavy but with a calmness
the torture will soon be over

Months of sadness give way to silence
eyes speak of better things to come
I hold her hand and sing of day
where memories of this shall be no more

A soft wind blows in fields of peace
gentle is the lullaby that calls her home
release my heart oh soul take flight
realm of glory eternal life

~

I have sat and held the hand of precious elderly, prayed in their ear when

their eyes could not open; when they no longer ate because the dementia told them they were already full.

I have sat and sang at the bedside of dear seniors and felt their last breath of life on my cheek as they crossed over into the realm of peace and no pain. I have been so richly blessed and honoured.

~

We have a hope of eternal life no death or dementia can
hinder the profound promises of God’s word.
Hold onto these promises they’ll carry one through.

KJS

Silent Prayers of Dementia

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There are days when the rays
light the path to expectation
a glimmer of understanding
through a light touch
it thrills my heart
and lets me know
I am not alone

Many are the afternoons
when the clouds gather
I wait to see the break
…oft so many times
they will darken
anxious storms
are near

Lonely nights stretch into days
restless waiting for dreams
exhausted with counting
mirage of shadows
through meshed
confusion my
voice is silent

In this blackness a silent soul
finds an arbour of conveyance
through the dark He walks
holding my hand and
hearing my prayers
silent assurance
set free

~

KJS

I Dream of A Garden (But for a Moment Wings To Fly)

Stroll with me and take my hand
I’ll lead you through my world
tiny favours of little waves
perhaps the song of a bird?

Look-! the sumac is in full bloom
the fragrance brilliant with colour
golden finch play in the meadow
in heart I run and pick a flower

The wheel chair is now my throne
these four white walls my home
so thankful when a friend stops by
but for a moment ~ wings to fly

~

So many lonely lost souls sit for hours day after day,
watching and waiting for someone who never comes. This world of
dementia ~ loneliness needs to be shattered with compassion and
time taken to brighten their day.

www.gofundme.com/momdream

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Finding the Sun (A Husband A Caregiver)

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With shoulders drooped he makes his way
to the warm comfort of his chair.
she’s asleep now, his hushed burdens can be revealed.
Slowly, silently, weariness wells up in his eyes
and readily they fall down his weathered cheeks.
He doesn’t dab away the tears, but lets them fall freely now~
releasing exhaustion and emotion that no one bears witness to.

For a few moments thoughts are allowed to surface
but quickly sending them back to his crowded mind.
He shuffles through his doubts and fears
deciding which ones he needs and wants to accept.
A soft noise startles his minds quarrel,
but to his relief it is just the complaints of the old fridge.

Reaching for his bible he finds comfort in verses of faith,
closing his eyes in prayer to set free thankfulness~
humbly he asks for strength to bear this burden.
The Lord is his strength the rock of his salvation,
once again he draws from the ultimate source of grace.

He silently whispers amen in his heart
and without knowing falls into a well deserved slumber;
the dreams are the same…
holding hands and walking through meadows of green,
she knows him, and sweetly calls his name.
With tenderness and love they embrace under the tree of life,
the former life is past, dementia has no place in this land.

*****

He is awaken by his wife’s hand gently resting on his arm,
he smiles at her and says “I love you”
without realizing he starts softly humming that beloved old hymn,
“I have heard of a land, where the sun is always shining…
God has promised in His word, bow thy head and you’ll be heard.”

KJS

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http://www.gofundme.com/momsdream

Guardian Angel With A Wooden Leg (Part One)

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Kenora, Lake of the Woods did not know it harboured a beautiful lady that had also suffered much grief in her young life, and would also be known as mom’s guardian angel.

Just down the lane on River Street; there nestled a little old house that was the home to a lovely Christian lady by the name of Nell Lodge. Nell Lodge lived with her brother Jack Lodge for many years, and never did marry. Nell was the sister to my mother’s mom Constance Kenora, the first white baby to be born into the Kenora district, part of the pioneers of this beautiful Lake of the Woods.

Also known as Nellie, she was recognized as a tender dedicated christian woman who attended lakeside Baptist church regularly, and was picked up by taxi with bible in hand, as not to miss a Sunday or weekly prayer meeting. Nellie did not drive or ride bike, and walking would be difficult given her wooden leg. Sadly as a young girl Nellie had lost her leg to cancer, and lived out her years with a cumbersome wooden leg. As a young girl she had been aggressively kicked by another child, and her leg had bruised quite badly. The bruise never did heal and tragically turned into cancer and had to be amputated, in its place a wooden leg with a brace. Mom said, “Auntie Nell was never one to complain” and she looked at life and its trials that they were meant to be, as God had a purpose for her life. Unknown to her one of those purposes would be to give shelter to my mom and be one of her lovingly guardian angels.

My mother moved down to her Aunt Nell’s after her father had come back from fighting in World War Two. He had come back a changed man and held unto demons from the war; this would have a lasting impact on my mom’s young life right up until this day. Mom recalls packing up her few belongings and leaving the little red mushroom house that was her home. Left behind sadness, abuse, and shadows of night terrors that still sometimes haunt her today, Thelma Sharpe (known as Holly) would leave her footprints in the dust of River Street as she made her way down the lane to be welcomed into her guardian angels arms of love, the arms of Nellie Lodge.

Mom recalls going to Lakeside Baptist church with Nell, and one time in-particular when the young people were singing. it just so happened that Lawrence Peters was on the platform singing when Auntie Nell leaned over and said to mom, “now there’s a nice young Christian man for you” , in time mom would court Lawrence Peters and walk down the isle in Lakeside Baptist church and say their vows. With heart brimming with love Nell her guardian angel attended their union revealing a luminous smile on her face.

Many years later and through chapters of life, Holly would follow her husband to Eastern Ontario, where they reside today in the town of Hanover in a little apartment. Due to distance, and lack of funds mom was sadly unable to make the 1846 KM trip to her old home town to say good bye to her dearest Aunt Nell. Nell Lodge would later move in with her sister Constance until moving to PineCrest where she would live out her remaining years, and it was there she would hear the call of her Lord, and go to her heavenly home to meet her Saviour.

Mom’s dream is to go back to Kenora and visit Aunt Nell’s grave, bring her flowers and say good bye. This will be her final trip to Kenora, part of her “Long Good bye” closure to another chapter of her life, that held sorrow, but also was covered by the love, dedication, and protection of a dear soul; a Christian lady that I would come to know as my Great Auntie Nell, my mom’s guardian angel.

Kathy J Snow

Her daughter ~ advocate for dementia awareness and “For the Love of a Mom”

Donations are greatly appreciated through;

http://www.gofundme.com/momsdream

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