I realize once I bare my soul I am leaving the door wide open; will it change the way I feel? Not likely! The most important constraint is to be honest with ones self revealing the hidden truth behind every corner, leaving no stone unturned.
Throughout my years of church attendance it was not by conviction or feeling the need, it began as a household rule, a sentence that quickly turned into years of unhappiness, doubt, and compressing any bit of faith my soul had worked so hard to gain, and then quickly engulfing my life with fear – neither a solid foundation for a relationship with God or church attendance, it took years for me to see and realize that not all churches were like this.
Years passed and the excitement and fulfillment I once felt asking the Lord into my heart as a little girl was so concealed the thought of uncovering the miracle was not even on my hearts radar. The simplicity of being a Christian no longer existed, in its place was heavy fear, unhappiness, no self esteem, no sense of belonging, and always searching for a way out; the opposite of what I was taught as a little girl at Bible camp where I received the Lord as my personal Saviour. How could I be a shining light and encourage others when my light was dimmed by man made rules, dress codes, and others convictions?
Through years of pain, unwanted pathways that lead to depression and no confidence in my walk with God; I now have so many testimonies of trials and how the wonderful Lord brought me through, in such ways I would have never imagined! Through the Love of God He has taught me that it is a personal walk, living in someone else’s convictions and interpretations just evolves you in circles of legalism, fear, and an unfulfilling Christian walk.
I have such peace in my heart that no earthly tabernacle can take away, my communion is personal with my Lord and Saviour! God knows my heart, I live to praise HIs name and encourage others by the wonderful gifts He has so graciously bestowed upon my life.
This is my own personal testimony and has no bearing on others beliefs and attendance of church. I trust this will only encourage one to walk closer to God and live for Christ and not others.
I open the doors to the tabernacle of my being
He creates in me a veil of truth,
Sets my spirit soaring with promise
Takes me through the gateway to my soul.
My place of worship I meet with my Lord
The chapel of my heart rings with praises,
Within my closet I pray to Thee oh God
My body my spirit is yours to glorify!
We embrace with sweet communion
My obedience is my worship,
I offer up to Thee my being my gifts
Use me to shine forth as light.
The shadow of my existence reveals Thy truths
I find Thee not in man made structure,
You are the foundation the cornerstone of my life
In Thee I only exist my place of rest.
Kathy J Snow©