Awhile back a very dear neighbour looked me up to let me know her father had passed away. While he was laying in the hospital in a deep coma, she had played him my Precious Memories, CD. She related to me that she sensed the songs soothed him and brought him out of his coma long enough for her to say her good-byes. I was reminded of my gospel concerts, my readings, and writings, she told me she felt I was in the wrong place in my life and needed to get back into encouraging people ~ whether it be on paper or in song.
I have always felt a strong need to encourage, this journey can be quite difficult at times and very rough. A little encouragement directed from the Lord goes a long way!
Knowing you are called and led by the Lord is a wonderful revelation and a gift all in its self. When you struggle with these gifts and chose to ignore them, or use them not ~ for His honour and glory, then you are headed down the wrong path. God will get your feet straight on the path again, but now because you have abused this gift and wouldn’t get your self out-of-the-way, there are trials and tests you will have to go through.
As a young girl both writing and music were apart of my life. I wrote and kept journals of my thoughts, how I seen nature, the world and all its earthlings. My struggles and how they were overcome were penned in these journals also.
When I could reach the piano keys I was plinking and plunking. Sometimes my mother would have to tell me to take a break. I am sure although it sounded quite musical to me – I was lacking the structure of flowing melody! My mother did put me in piano lessons, I tried this for almost a year, but I would learn the songs but do different variations of the notes. I would keep the main melody but playing around with the notes to add more life to the songs! I was soon playing from heart with my eyes closed, upon great efforts my teacher finally told my mother at this point the lessons were not getting me where she wanted me to go. I was hearing the notes and memorizing the tunes in my head, and my fingers would play and feel them differently.
I remember someone once telling me that when you are born with a God-given gift, the devil always seems to attack you more ~ go after your gift so no one can or will be blessed by it. Looking back on my journey there where times I’m sure I felt that to be true!
There was a period in my life when I didn’t write, sing, and play my piano for the Lord ~ a very hard lesson to learn that’s for sure! You see I misused these wonderful gifts the Lord blessed my life with, in bars, clubs, singing and playing for dances, the wrong venue and avenue all together! It all was looking good for a while having a great time, until the Lord decided it was enough. I went through some heavy trials and tests, anxiety, panic attacks, I was withdrawing from life altogether unable to share and encourage. It was at what seemed my lowest time when I started back reading the Good book. I slept with the bible under my pillow. I would cry and call on the Lord! There were times I was rushed to the hospital thinking I was dying. The doctors hooked me up with all the wires testing my heart, printing graphs, but they could not pin point anything other than stress and anxiety. The doctors would tell me I was having panic attacks. I would go downstairs some nights and sit at my piano and play hymns till I had no physical strength left, I would literally crawl up the stairs and fall exhausted into bed.
I have gone through certain trials in my life that have led me to help and encourage others. Some trials so emotionally and physically challenging I thought I would never make it, but it was at these low times in my life God spoke to me.
Romans 8:28- And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.
I will recall one incident and it takes me back to grade eight. My parents had made life changing decisions with their beliefs. My parents convictions were immediately placed upon my young life although I did not feel them in my heart. I went through very hard struggles and dark times because of this. I was not a popular girl, but I did fit in quite nicely, enjoying sports, and normal activities that were shared by my age group. Over night things changed I was not allowed to cut my hair, or curl it, or even braid it! All my pants were thrown into the furnace and burnt, I was only allowed to wear long skirts. I was taken out of all sports. I was told that sports was only for the male gender. I could only participate in gym if I wore a long heavy skirt. I was instantly shunned by the kids in my class, I think they were as confused as I was, and to be honest I think maybe that is why they reacted the way they did! My marks plummeted from A’s and B’s to all D’s and F’s, it was a very bad year for me. I only passed because my teachers said they knew I had it in me and was more than capable of doing the work. I am sure they felt for me and could see the struggles ~ but there was one young girl, she seemed to be an angel sent straight from heaven! She was always there for me, making sure no matter what the circumstance she did her very best to make me feel I belonged. This classmate made me comfortable in the surroundings that use to be comfortable. When everyone stayed away (I was the last one picked for any group projects) she was always there and would pick me! This encouragement made such an impression on my heart and my life. This wonderful compassion was burned into my memory.
There are too many pebbles and blessings to recall in this writing. ~ uphill climbs like the years spent in a controlling, judgmental, fear based church. On a continual basis this would dragged me down to depths of despair and depression almost to the point of stealing the very breath that God gave me. God brought me out, but not in a way I would have imagined! My heart might argue that the thirteen years of separation from my parents was the biggest trial! One thing I am certain of, and that is the Lord brought me through! He has given me new breath of revelation and inspiration! I use to have band aids on all my wounds that would keep opening from all the bitterness in my heart. My open wounds are now scars that have been healed by His mercy and grace. Scars healed by a love that I cannot fathom as a human. It is this love that caused my soul to pen the words of the song “It Should Have Been Me”
I am so grateful for these uphill climbs! They have brought me to where I am today. So very blessed to be able to encourage and lend a helping hand when I see a brother or sister struggling. I thank God for the gifts He has entrusted me with, it is a responsibility I take very seriously ~ these gifts that are attributes of His mercy and grace! My constant prayer is to always use them for His honour and glory ~ to use them only for the edification of a needy soul. May my life be a vessel used only for His purpose. My talent and gifts belong to Him. I have nothing to gain in this world, but give me Jesus who has touched my life and has given me strength and song for this journey!
The journey through life, can lead to some sorrows
and those sometimes uphills, Lord can tire out your soul,
And you just don’t understand why the battles outshine
Oh the blessings of life from those sometimes uphill climbs!
Sometimes the highest hills can bring the smallest blessings
Stumbling on the climb, are just lessons that are learned
( So) Don’t you ever wonder how your life would be without
Oh the blessings of life, from those sometimes uphill climbs
Just Tracing of the steps, back through your journey down life’s road
Counting many of the blessings you mistook for your load,
and now you understand so prayers of thanks sent to the Lord
For the blessings of life, from those sometimes uphill climbs
Tag: So don’t you ever question all those sometimes uphill climbs
Kathy J. Snow ©